One of the many trappings that emotionally broken people find themselves in is that of anger and the defiling root of bitterness. Since many such people were denied unconditional love, warmth, access, and acceptance from their parents, they have a tendency to become bitter. They use others to gain advantage a sense of power and control, to dominate and use them, only to dispense with them later. Like a vampire, they go from victim to victim, and never gain permanent and healthy relationships with other people. It is sad, but at the same time they are perpetuators of the very same cycle of abuse that was demonstrated to them.
Much of this results in narcissism, a type of behaviour that is destructive and leads to co-dependency. It is a trait which many people in leadership positions demonstrate, whether they are aware of it or not, and it needs to be repented of, grieved over, and worked through. Here is a terrific article on it named The Saul Syndrome. (Here it is as a Word file). It is named after the Bible character of Saul, a man who was the first king of Israel. He was the sworn enemy of the man who succeeded him on the throne, David, and yet- intriguingly- both men had almost identical emotional wounds. Both men were ‘handsome’ youths who had fathers, who used their uncherished sons as a means to make their family business profitable. Both had very similar inner demons and proclivities to be narcissistic and to indulge their insecurities, and yet their destinies were so different: David became the ancestor of the Messianic promise, while Saul’s life ended in suicide and mental derangement. Yet had Saul entrusted his pain to Yahweh, he would have been a sensation. Saul was a classic narcissistic leader, and a testimony to what happens if it is not identified and dealt with.
The article here is addressed to pastors who exhibit this kind of behaviour, but it’s not just pastors who do this: many people do, especially those in business and other positions of power where people love to rule over others and boss them around. This article is for anyone in the same position, and if you read it and are convicted that you are in the same boat, you have some work to do. The good news is that God loves you and wants to heal you, to make you one of His so that you find satisfaction exclusively in HIM and not in the power that you have over others. Many people that I minister to in my position as pastoral worker exhibit these kinds of behaviours but are oblivious, struggling to admit what they’re in because it’s too embarrassing, humiliating and painful to admit it and face the past hurts. But it can be done: I’m a testimony of how it can happen, as are many others.
Shalom,
Haydn.