So often you hear it being said, “Being gay feels so natural to me, I must have been born this way”. A lot of people nod their heads at this because a great measure of their attraction seems innate. But does that mean that it is innate simply because it has been a part of someone’s existence for so long?
A friend of my family’s has same-sex attractions, and says that he has felt that way since he was about 5 years old. That’s not to say that his attractions were necessarily sexualised at that point, but as young as 5 he disassociated himself with the same-sex, felt more secure in the company of women, and by puberty had begun to seek affection from other guys, and eventually, men. He tells me that his SSA feels so natural and that there is no other explanation for it.
Once upon a time this kind of comment would have left me somewhat bewildered, but if anything, it now doesn’t phase me. Why?
Because the assumption here is that living with something for long enough somehow makes it natural, even if it were something that a person wasn’t born with or is an innate part of their being. That is not necessarily true.
I can think of an example to illuminate my point. In the movie The King’s Speech, the prince/king George VI has a speech impediment, and he insists he’s had it since birth. His speech therapist, Lionel Logue, asks the prince if he could explain his childhood to get to the origins of his stammering problem. The prince at first expresses reluctance to do so, saying he didn’t want to get into anything personal. He just wants to focus on the mere mechanics of the stammering problem. Yet towards the end of the movie, the past begins to come out. It turns out that the prince’s childhood had everything to do with the stammer. He had spent little time with his parents (instead he had nannies, one of which hated him and used to physically abuse and starve him until it was noticed 3 years later); his father demanded that he be feared by his sons; a brother died of epilepsy before it was even publicised; and he was physically disciplined for being left-handed. The prince had known these things all along, but had never felt safe with anyone to confess them, until he’d met Logue.
The twist in the movie is that after all the junk from the past gets aired, some lasting change begins to proceed for the prince. He starts to relax in his own skin and knows himself better than before. He gives himself some time to face the past and to grieve it, though that’s never explored in the movie, and it begins to overflow like a breeze of fresh air in a dank, stale room. When it comes to homosexuality, I see no real difference. It is not enough to say that it is innate, because even if it is true it is no more legitimate. Many children are born with cerebral palsy or brought to life in this world with drugs in its system because of a negligent mother, but would we tell that child to go and live a life of substance abuse because they feel it is innate? We then might say that living a life of homosexuality is not the same as being a junkie baby, for instance, but that ‘committed’ gay relationships are ok because it involves two people who ‘love’ one another. That is another issue that I wish to comment on in greater depth, but my point here is that while something may seem innate it doesn’t mean that it necessarily is or that it is desirable for life.
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Here is a very encouraging testimony of an African American brother who came out of homosexuality, having his prior conviction of being ‘born gay’ completely overturned by love, grace, and truth:
watch?v=plnW63J7c_4&feature=related
I’ve recently met an African American pastor via Facebook, named D.L. Foster, who came out of homosexuality. African Americans with same-sex attraction are in an interesting place, because many gay rights advocates suggest that being black- an innate condition that people are born with- is the same as sexuality (i.e. that it too is innate like skin colour). People like Foster are a powerful witness that sexuality is not like being black or Asian or being a female: that it is not set in concrete and that living the gay lifestyle is not the only choice. Here is an encouraging message from Foster:
“You know, [my] testimony is not about the individual: it is about what God has done for the individual”, Foster says. ”I don’t recommend the church, I recommend Jesus, because He’s the only one [that] I know who has the evidence and the track record to prove that what He says He is. What He said that He will do, He will do”. (Foster has a couple of blogs: Witness For the World and Gay Christian Movement Watch).