Last week, through Amazon, I ordered a movie named Courageous.  As you might see in the blurb above this movie, produced by the Sherwood Baptist Church in Georgia, it deals with the issues of fatherlessness and how, through Jesus, men can be much better fathers to their children. 

The impact of fatherlessness is very significant: it leads to rebelliousness; involvement in crime and false religion, including the occult; broken sexuality; domestic violence; alcoholism and other substance abuse; and mental illness.  Almost all those whom I pastor for Liberty came from homes where dad was passive or absent, where men had sexually, physically, or emotionally abused them,had experienced bullying from same-sex peers and ostracism from authority figures.  The world of men becomes, eventually, one of sexual attraction, but it is from a distance where men are a source of fear and not of healthy bonding.  Much of the anger and false impressions that they have of fatherhood comes from their earthly fathers and gets, as a consequence, projected onto God.

It is so tragic.  Why do fathers do it to their boys and girls?  As one minister, Derek Prince, put it, “personal ambition at the expense of home life is a serious problem in the lives of many men.  Some would be considered successful and would consider themselves successful.  Yet an inner core of self-centredness keeps them from the warm, open interchange with their families that is the essence of successful relationships within a home … [Yet] to succeed in other capacities and to fail as a husband or father is, in God’s sight, to fail.  No other success[es] can make up for that failure” (Husbands and Fathers: Rediscover the Creator’s Purpose for Men, 2000, p. 13).  American pastor Francis Chan made an excellent point of this in a recent Youtube video. 

If you are a father like this and has been neglecting your wife and children, it is not- and never is – too late to deal with matters.  Buy a copy of Courageous: it will make you weep and sit up straight.

 Today in the mail I received a copy of an interesting book named “Ex-Gays?  A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation” by researchers Stanton L. Jones and Mark A. Yarhouse.  The authors conducted a study over a 6-year period that addressed the issue of whether or not people can successfully experience change in same-sex sexual attractions and live beyond them.  They looked at 63 individuals and examined at how attempts to deal with their same-sex attractions had worked or not.  As yet, I have not obviously had time to read the book but I am very interested in doing so. 

In an interview with Yarhouse on the Internet, it was reported that 53% of those surveyed in the study (and, extrapolated to the general population of those seeking freedom from homosexuality) had experienced lasting change.  Others who had attempted change and ‘failed’ or claimed that it had ‘harmed’ them represented the remaining 47%.  As a matter of course, I watched the interview with Yarhouse and found myself agreein, from my experience and observations, with a lot of what he had said.  However, there were a few things that I did find myself dissenting with:

“The research on [reparative therapy, where people interrogate past family relationships which may have caused homosexuality] is not all that convincing today … I haven’t directly studied what causes homosexuality, but that’s another fundamental question.   When you look at, ‘Can you change orientation?’ it’s premised on what caused the homosexual orientation and the short answer to that is we don’t know … it’s probably weighted differently for different people; probably both nature and nurture contribute to some extent, but we really don’t know the cause of it”.

 I wish to take some time out to respond to this statement because for me it gets to the heart of what freedom from homosexuality is about, and that really is Liberty’s emphasis: freedom from same-sex attractions (SSA) rather than ‘orientation change’ as it is so crudely put.  Dr. Yarhouse has here admitted a very important issue here, that people’s sexual attractions come from complex places and that it is not necessarily true that everyone with SSA necessarily had a passive father and a domineering mother.  It is not true that everyone comes from the same backgrounds, otherwise one will be walking around like a hammer that sees everything else as a nail.  People are complex and so are the origins of their problems. 

While Dr. Yarhouse’s observation here is certainly true, it is equally true from what I have seen and done with myself and others that those who have SSA (and even those with other attractions, addictions, and compulsions) come from backgrounds where there was past trauma and often so from families of origin.  And it need not be explicitly violent or sexual either.  The impact of absent fathers is tremendous and cannot be underestimated and I have never ever come across someone with SSA who, at the same time, has had a father who was a stable, loving, Christ-like role model.  I’m not talking here of having a perfect father- that’s impossible- but a Christ-like father who is involved in his son’s life, meets the son where he’s at, allows his son to dissent and to publicly express his independence from dad, and expresses emotion both to and around his son.  I’m talking about fathers who take responsibility for their son’s lives, even in the small details, and model to them and don’t resort to legalism and distant parenting.  Sons with those kinds of fathers almost never end up with same-sex attraction; and why would they, if they have a healthy role model in dad? 

Secondly, homosexuality has never been proven to be genetic or biologically determined, and the resort to explaining it away according to ‘nature’ makes little sense too.  While there may be genetic predispositions, that does not make it ‘natural’, particularly where generational attributes may actually come from sin sources (Exodus 20:5).

I find it bemusing, if not concerning, that Yarhouse has entered into his research without taking this into account and blithely dismissing the genesis of same-sex attraction.  While there is a certain degree of mystery about it- because the human heart is itself a deep ocean of breathtaking complexity (Proverbs 14:10; Prov. 4:23; Jeremiah 17:9)- he overlooks too easily the truth that everything has an origin.  As Julie Andrews once sang in The Sound of Music, ‘Nothing comes from nothing; nothing ever could’.  That is precisely the point: nothing ever could, and 30 years of Christian ministries like Exodus International and Liberty have proven this to be the case regarding SSA.  The origins of homosexuality or any other problem are very important to the healing of it, and without considering that then any academic study into successful treatments will not likely add up to much, even if they do yield a lot of insights. 

I have an open mind about what the Yarhouse/Jones study has to say, but having watched the interview with Yarhouse, I am at least aware of the assumptions behind the research findings.  Another point of different where I dissent with Yarhouse is that he has said that the questions of overcoming homosexuality are “research-based” (or academic and empirical).  In many ways he is dealing with these issues as a clinical, detached outsider.  In reality, the matters he’s dealing with here are not merely academic: they are personal, spiritual, and profound and in the lives of ordinary people who labour with them, like myself, they make all the difference between whether or not a person is a saved, holy, and healed in Christ.  And that makes all the difference on how people spend eternity and how they are able to live in joy now in this life. 

Really, if the Yarhouse/Jones book were to say that few could realistically overcome homosexuality, that would not put me off: Jesus Himself guaranteed in Luke 13:24, “Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able”.  Changing is very hard, especially if one is trying to do on the basis of one’s own strength or according to man-made standards.  But with the power of Christ, the impossible is possible. 

Lastly, one point of concern for me is Yarhouse’s close affiliation with a psychologist named Warren Throckmorton.  Throckmorton was once an ally of ex-gay ministries until he began to savage them on his blog, and Yarhouse has often wrritten alongside Throckmorton.  This article shows how the two both believe that gay people can live ‘healthy’ and ‘normal’ existences without any side-effects and that in their therapies they allow for people to accept a gay identity even if they are Christian.  Both men have a neutral view of homosexuality, despite both claiming to be ‘Christian’.  Throckmorton’s endorsement of Yarhouse’s findings already has my antennae up, and as such I read the findings with a healthy dose of salt.

Haydn (Liberty pastoral worker).

My old boyfriends and I thought we were loving each other and were working hard to believe that we were, but to be honest I think it was more accurate to say that we were trying to find love for ourselves and were using one another to try and make it so. 

Sadly, when I would act out with a lot of gay men they would not ask me what my name was and often I wouldn’t ask theirs.  Why not?  Because knowing that the other person had an identity would give me less of a reason to use them in such a callous, uncaring way.  On some occassions, I would ask them their identities and sometimes when I did they would cry because few others had ever dared ask.

 So how do I view those guys now? Do I hate them?  Do I hate other gay and lesbian people?  After all that I have been through and having wrestled with my own failures and weaknesses, I cannot say that I hate any of them.  I hate now what we did together, but not them, even though some of them emotionally hurt me, betrayed and insulted me, tried to physically assault and rape me, and treated me like garbage.  I know that I too was hurting them even in less extreme ways and that I too was as much a perpetrator of such hurt as they were.  I have also come to realise that for them to have used and hurt me as they did, they must be pretty broken and angry deep down, just as I have been.  I cannot claim a moral high ground; I am no better and no worse than they are, no matter what they have done.  They are all made in God’s image and He longs to be reconciled and be reconnected with them.  He understands their pain and longs to heal it in Jesus. 

My hope?  It is that they come to know Jesus, if not by me then by someone else.  I hope one day to be reconciled and be true friends again, to give them a hug, say sorry for the things I did, and to re-establish something new, even if they are not Christian! 

 But better still (I still remember many of their names) I continually pray for them, that they will one day have Jesus in their hearts and will one day spend eternity with me, in safety, holiness, security, perfection, and protection, no longer being hurt or hurting others.  Many times when I have prayed this, I have done it in tears. 

 How much do these guys need Jesus!   How much do all GBLT and sexually addicted people need Him!  I have a particular passion in my heart for the men I slept with because in those moments where we physically acted out together, we shared a deep part of ourselves with each other that was aching, lonely, vulnerable, desperate, thirsty for love, and yet unfulfilled.  We went to the wrong sources back then to fill those needs, but now that I am in right relationship with God, I want them to taste and know that only Jesus can meet it for them.

Some of the men I slept around with were older than me, about 14 years my senior, and that in many ways it was really sad to see men like that.  They were, in a way, like older brothers but just as lost as I was.  Last year I saw my first former lover in Sydney and he was with yet another boyfriend.  How sad and lonely he looked, even as he was trying really hard to portray himself as happy on the outside.  I don’t agree with his lifestyle choice, but I care about that man and want him to know the greatest Love there is.  This is the best thing that I can do now for those I left behind. 

Haydn (Liberty pastoral worker)

These are significant questions, and they have been on many people’s lips over the past week around the globe after a significant ‘ex-gay’ ministry leader, Alan Chambers, attended a “Gay Christian” conference which Chambers had actually invited himself to.  I have already written a personal opinion on the subject on my private blog.

I wish to answer this question here, because it gets to the heart of what it means to be a Christian.  Today a person emailed me, in all seriousness, saying that he was a proud gay man but living with a wife in a heterosexual marriage and a “conservative evangelical”.  He called me a “brother” in Christ.  Am I supposed to believe him just because he says that he is what he says he is?  He professes a love of all things Scriptural and ‘spiritual’, but has gone out of his  way to ‘prove’ that the Greek and Hebrew endorse homosexuality.

Is such a person really a brother?  What intrigued me about this man is the boastful, proud assumption underneath his claims that in spite of what God, in Scripture, has revealed about human sexuality, he knows better.  He has ‘the goods’ on the last 2,000 years of Biblical interpretation, supposedly with enough ‘proof’ to throw out orthodox understanding of one of the most profound, fundamental, relationships between two adult human beings.  I find it somewhat hard to believe, to say the least!

It is not traditional, orthodox Biblical interpretation that is the problem.  The first 3 chapters of the Bible are emphatic that sex is only to be expressed in a marital covenant between one man and one woman, to the exclusion of all others.  Not between two men; not between two woman.  I didn’t say it: God did in His holy word.  How something so basic and so fundamental can be so twisted and misunderstood is beyond me, but that, it seems, is the issue.  This is a spiritual issue here, where many are being blinded by a spirit of disobedience and love of self, just as was foretold in 2 Thess. 2:11.  It uses university professors (‘experts’) and pastors/bishops to reinforce it with flimsy (mis)interpretations of the Bible to justify it, but it is still rebellion of a spiritual nature, a fulfilment of 2 Timothy 4:3-4:  For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine, but according to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for themselves teachers; and they will turn theirears away from the truth, and be turned aside to fables.  Those days are well and truly here.

The Bible is emphatic about many things, and the purity of sexuality (and defilement caused by sexual immorality) is there for all to see.  1 Corinthians 6:18 puts it strongly:  Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.  It is sin which disinherits people from God’s kingdom, among other things (Revelation 21:8, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).  It defiles relationships, marriages, families, communities, nations, and churches.  All sexual sin does this, not just homosexuality, but that is its impact.  The message?  Sex is wonderful in its rightful place, but in the wrong place and in the wrong hands, it is nothing short of disastrous.  It kills.

Sexual brokenness and addiction destroy those who do it.  It robs them of life and hope, turns them inwards, and desensitises them to emotion and love of others.  Daily life becomes gratification of orgasm.  I know men who have almost lost their jobs and families because of their uncontrollable addictions and the mess is gigantic.  If sex addicts do no overcome and desensitise themselves to God’s offer of healing, they will harden their hearts and lead themselves astray.  It is not a “gay”, happy place to be in (and I can testify to this from personal experience).

Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; lest there be any fornicator or profane person like Esau, who for one morsel of food sold his birthright.  For you know that afterward, when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no place for repentance, though he sought it diligently with tears. (Hebrews 12:14-17)

At the end of the day, sexual immorality will lead people away from their salvation.  It doesn’t matter who is practising it or why.  So my burgeoning question is:  if this is all true, then how can anyone with any sense claim to be a “gay Christian”?  It is, simply speaking, a contradiction of terms.  God calls His people to be holy (1 Peter 1:16) and not to have even a hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3).  I do realise that it is very hard for people trapped in addiction and sexual immorality to get out of it, but that is what ministries like Liberty sets out to do: to help people out of it.  (And yes, people’s efforts to overcome sexual addiction are met with victory, despite what is said to the contrary.)  Perhaps the most significant verse on this in Scripture is 1 Corinthians 5:11:

But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person. 

Message?  Sin is serious.  Yes there are a number of sins here, but the first one, the top of the list is sexual immorality.  And just because it is one of many sins does not lessen the seriousness of it.  Sexual addiction comes from brokenness and leads to eternal separation from God, so why would God say that a person can be gay and Christian?  Why would God want them to live a life that is robbing them of life while at the same time giving them life by the death and resurrection of his son?  The claims of “gay Christianity” do not add up.  No, you cannot be gay and Christian.

May ‘gay Christians’ call Jesus Lord.  But even Jesus said “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven”.  Those who deny they sin but still claim fellowship with God are liars (1 John 1:8-10), and only those who do the will of God the Father are those who truly are friends with God (1 John 2:4).  Someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your works, and I will show you my faith by my works! (James 2:18).  Having self-professing faith in God is insufficient.

It is no hanging offence to have same-sex attraction: everyone labours with sin and needs salvation from it and God is good to those who seek His forgiveness, strength, and healing.  He is actually DRAWN to the wounded (Psalm 34:18).  But He cannot abide those who deliberately sin and defiantly disobey, especially those who are of His house, which He will judge first.  This is a very sobering message, but it is important to take to heart because it involves the life or death of people in eternity.  The good news is that God is standing at the door, eagerly awaiting people to ask for His healing and forgiveness.  But to those who refuse it and sin, calling that sin a blessing and revelling in it, I can say that the future will not be a pretty picture.  Narrow is the door which leads to eternal life, the life that life is all about.

Haydn (Liberty pastoral worker).

If such a person is a Christian, then they have two basic options.  They can say ‘Yes, I am a Christian but am wantonly living in rebellion, and one day I might need to stop and reckon with God’.  This is the model given in the story of the Prodigal Son.  In the parable, the son knows he is lost and that he’s made bad choices and returns to the father asking for mercy. 

The second basic choice that a person has in a situation like this is to resign himself to his situation completely and try to ‘bridge the gap’ between his supposed faith in Jesus and his sexual expression.  ‘God must have made me this way’, he might reason, ’or otherwise He wouldn’t let me do it.  Anyway, if God made me this way then He cannot judge me for being consistent and ‘true to myself’”.  This is a complete denial and suppression of what is true (Romans 1:18-32) and something which, as Scripture demonstrates, provokes the wrath of God because it is deliberate rebellion and attempting to suffocate the truth. 

 As I once was in the gay lifestyle, I would sometimes oscillate myself between the two choices- as many others do- as a way of keeping all options open to try and find an escape clause.  I was a Christian who was deliberately living in sexual sin, orginally because I wanted to- to defy God, parents, and others- but overwhelmingly it became so addictive that, by my own strength, I simply couldn’t stop.  The danger was that eventually I became incresingly cynical and angry with God, searing my conscience and denouncing the truth of Him in my heart.  I began blaming Him and His people, the Church, because that was ‘easier’ somehow than actually taking ownership of my own problems.  However, I wondered if I really was a Christian.  What the feet did, the heart followed and I had to grapple with terrifying parts of Scripture which told me that my defiant sin was threatening to derail my salvation (e.g. Rev. 21:8; 1 Corinth. 5:5; Matthew 7:21; Matthew 18:15-20).  These weren’t merely words on pages, but profound spiritual realities and I realised that I was playing with fire.  More than a few times I had terrifying visions of myself sleeping with a man one moment, and then the next standing before Almighty Gof giving an answerand for that last remaining memory of my earthly life.  At the suggestion of a Christian brother, I took to reading Hebrews 12 and literally trembled at verse 14:

… Be holy; because without holiness no one will see the Lord.

The last two verses of the chapter were equally chilling:

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire.”

My life, which was meant to be an act of worship (Romans 12), was far from acceptable and with reverent awe.  God was demanding answers of me: “So, you call yourself a Christian?  You think that a label will save you?  You are a Christian, so why are you defying your true identity?  If you are a free man, what are you choosing to live as a slave?”  I thought I had an escape clause: “Well, you made me this way, didn’t you?  Isn’t Your glory greater in the darkest place (meaning, if I keep going on, won’t your grace shine brighter)?”  It wasn’t long before Roman 6 was before my eyes:

¹ What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ² By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? … ⁶ For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— ⁷because anyone who has died has been set free from sin … ¹¹ In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. ¹² Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. ¹³ Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. ¹⁴ For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace.

Who was I kidding?  Certainly not God who, by His Spirit, was breaking down my defences to bring me back to my senses and, more importantly, to Him.  Not my pastor at the time, because he, in love, confronted me with the Scripture and challenged me to start living in consistency with my salvation.  When he did, I became bitter with him for around 6 months before I actually realised that I was the one with the problem and who needed to change. 

Yet, God’s calling for me to be holy/pure in my walk also came from more encouraging sources, like Psalm 107 and Psalm 40 (which is actually a U2 song!)  Psalm 107 was particularly so:

¹ Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
   his love endures forever.

 ² Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story—
   those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
³ those he gathered from the lands,
   from east and west, from north and south …

¹⁰ Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
   prisoners suffering in iron chains,
¹¹ because they rebelled against God’s commands
   and despised the plans of the Most High.
¹² So he subjected them to bitter labor;
   they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
¹³ Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,
   and he saved them from their distress.
¹⁴ He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
   and broke away their chains.
¹⁵ Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love
   and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
¹⁶ for he breaks down gates of bronze
   and cuts through bars of iron.

 Even after people listen to God and wander off into the most horrible, self-imposed hell, He can still redeem them and lavish love on them!  But for that to happen, they need to wake up and live according to their true selves. To be true to oneself as a Christian is to be in right relationship with the Heavenly Father, not to give into any craven desire that one feels.  That is not liberty and freedom, but to be a slave to self; as Jesus said, a man cannot have two masters.  He will eventually love one and hate the other, and with God being a Jealous God, He has no room for rivals.  It took me a lot of suffering and sorrow to realise this, but God showed Himself to be willing to help me even when I was fighting him so strongly.

The Christian living in sexual sin has the choice to leave it, but it will either be done by surrendering to God, even if it is only bit-by-bit.  The other option is to provoke His displeasure and discipline, which is much harder to bear.  Sin hardens hearts, but if the heart it submissive, the person can overcome by God’s strength and goodness.  God is always there for you to come back to Him, as is the message of this song. 

Shalom,

Haydn (Liberty pastoral worker).

Behold!  I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown – Revelation 3:11

*

 Gollum, one of the most intriguing and well known characters in contemporary literature, is a compelling example of what happens to people when they quench an appetite with all the wrong things.  Having an appetite, a craving, is not in itself a sin: God created the human body, mind, soul, and spirit with appetites which are meant to the continually satisfied with those things which are healthy and nourishing.  Gollum yearns to be significant and have power: the author of story tells the reader that Smeagol was a Hobbit who was horribly mistreated by his family, often neglected by those who were supposed to love him.  The Ring of Power, then, becomes his way to reclaim that which he has lost.  It infuses him with such a great sense of significance that he is happy to kill for it, hide away from any potential threats (i.e. everybody), and have no loyalty to others.  He will use others to keep the Ring and be used by others to get what he wants. 

The funny thing is that the more he clings to it, the more it ruins him.  Although he once ate and drank like other Hobbits, he fills his culinary appetites with the most hideous stomach-fillers. His poor diet was a reflection of the impact of the Ring, demonstrating that if one appetite is met with destructive things in a person’s life, then it will affect the way in which they try to fill all other appetites.  Eventually, Gollum no longer is connected to himself: once he was ‘Smeagol’, but has since become ‘Gollum’ and refers to himself in the third person and has unusual dialogues between his two ‘selves’.  He becomes horribly double-minded and the war within him rages over whether or not to keep the Ring.  Eventually, the darker side of him continues to grow in strength and kills him.

Deep down, he knows that his attachment to the Ring is destroying him but giving up the Ring is more painful than keeping it.  That is, in fact, is one of the greatest conundrums of the Lord of the Rings story: why doesn’t Gollum (or Frodo, or anyone else for that reason) just give it up?  Why does any person not just give up an addiction- like sex, cigarettes, porn, alcohol, relationships, gambling, etc) – when they know 1) it is hurting them; and 2) because they might be able to experience something better?  I find that people who ask this question do not really understand the nature of addiction and basic human need. 

Fundamentally, people, like Gollum, cling to self-destructive addictions- which are quintessentially coping mechanisms – because the pain they’re trying to run away from is so terrifying.  Even when they have tasted the delectable goodness of the Heavenly Love (Psalm 37:4), they still try and feed their spiritual stomachs with something that doesn’t last. 

            Why do they do it?  Does that mean that God is powerless to love and redeem the people He saves, simply because they reportedly believe in His Son and yet continually try to self-medicate?  God, through Jesus, does save people from themselves, but salvation is a relationship.  That means that although people may be saved as Christians, they need to surrender their old way of life and the coping mechanisms to Him and their wounds behind the pain, in order that He may heal and give them a better way.  But sadly, many Christians don’t know how to do that: they’ve never been shown and the pain that their addictions are covering is so tremendous that they fear surrendering it all to God in case He might reject them or be powerless to help. 

Why might a person feel that?  It’s very likely that they have been shown by the church and other Christians, predators from the past, family members, and so on, lies about God.  If a young boy was sexually abused by an older man, he may come to believe that sex is a means to friendship and love; as an adult, he will very likely repeat that cycle whether he is a Christian or not.  He may not become a paedophile, but the abuse may very well entrench itself and continue to have a powerful hold over him even if he is a member of God’s family and lead him to addiction.  The destructive cycle needs to named, owned, worked through, renounced, and cast out.  Destructive habits of bitterness and hatred; secrets (sins); mental and spiritual strongholds; soul, spirit, and body ties;  forgivelessness; attempting to be in control and self-medicate; and gaining freedom from false gods and idols are all part of the mess that keeps people trapped and distanced from deeper blessing. 

Sounds messy and complicated?  It sure is.  Will it take a while?  Yes, possibly even a lifetime.  Does it involve quick fixes?  Not likely because, as a wise man once said, “God often does His work in gentle drizzles”.  God is more likely to heal you over a course of time, not zap you because if He did that, few of us would survive.  Many people in addiction have suffered from something, but one key to healing is to no longer denying the past and its influence, but to acknowledge it, and to no longer be a victim.  Suffering is a part of life, but as Scripture reminds us, it “produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope (Romans 5:2-4).  God can use anything and everything, even our current weaknesses and so-called ‘failures’, to bring us closer to Him.

A couple of weeks ago, an overseas friend told me of how, although Christian, he had surrendered to temptation and entered into a gay relationship.  He fears God’s discipline and is in two minds about whether he can get out- or wants to get out- because he feels uncertain of God’s love.  He wonders if he is still a Christian and loved by God.  I assured my friend that God does love him, but that is a topic for another blog post!  In answer to my friend, Psalm 107 came to mind, and I want to quote it at the end of this post in order to give others hope and courage them to go back to their Heavenly Daddy so He can heal.  It’s either that, or to live as Gollum: directed inwards, self-pitying and self-driven, and giving up the Love that God has in store for them. 

         
 ¹⁰ Those who sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,
         Bound in affliction and irons—
 ¹¹ Because they rebelled against the words of God,
         And despised the counsel of the Most High,
 ¹² Therefore He brought down their heart with labor;
         They fell down, and there was none to help.
 ¹³ Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
         And He saved them out of their distresses.
 ¹⁴ He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
         And broke their chains in pieces.
 ¹⁵ Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
         And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
 ¹⁶ For He has broken the gates of bronze,
         And cut the bars of iron in two.

Shalom,

Haydn (Liberty pastoral care worker).

There is much more to the book and the details of the story are much more readable than the brief summary that I have given here, but it is a definite page-turner.  The story contains pictures- a definite positive when reading pages of words!- and is written from both the perspective of Chris as well as the perspective of his mother, Angela.  Each alternative chapter is from the perspective of both mother and son, and that is one of its strengths: it takes a look not only at the perspective of the one who was living in the sin and creating so much heartache for others, but it looks at the perspective of the people who were hurt by it all.

“I believe homosexuality (and any other sin, such as jealousy, pride, and gluttony) stems from a legitimate need fulfilled in an illegitimate way” – Out of a Far Country, p. 188.

“Out of a Far Country” also has the strength of being written from the angle of an Asian (non-English speaking) background and it touches on the issues of HIV/AIDS and drug abuse, issues which often get little attention when discussing homosexuality (but are nonetheless very poignant and relevant topics).  It contains a discussion guide at the end.  I give it a 9/10.

God says, “Be holy, for I am holy” (Leviticus 11:44-45, 1 Peter 1:16).  I had always thought that the opposite to homosexuality was heterosexuality, but actually the opposite  … is holiness.  God never said, ‘Be heterosexual, for I am heterosexual’ …

For the longest time, I could never see myself becoming straight.  It was a burden, because I felt I had to somehow become straight to please God.  So when I realised that heterosexuality should not be my goal, it was so [liberating].  Therefore, I knew that I shouldn’t focus on homosexuality or even heterosexuality, but on the one thing that God calls everyone to: holy sexuality.  Holy sexuality is not focussed on orientation change – becoming straight – but on obedience.  And I realised that obedience means [that] no matter what my situation, no matter what my feelings, gay or straight, I must obey and be faithful to God” – p. 187.