A few days ago, I returned back to Australia from a one-month trip to South Korea. It was not a wasted time: I enjoyed good rest; worked for Liberty; blessing from my very generous in-laws; a white Christmas; caught up with good friends; and the death and funeral of North Korea’s Kim Jeong-Il. Every time I go to Korea and return to Australia, I miss it more and more! Thankfully when I was gone, the office was mainted by Liberty’s newly recruited office assistant, Katrina.
During my stay in Seoul, I visited the Seoul International Baptist Church. One of the pastors there is a friend of mine and the church had a support group for men coming out of sexual addiction, named Pure Desire. It was an interesting group of men, predominantly heterosexual, who were grappling with the issues of sexual addiction and recovery. Of particular interest to me were the resources that they used: one was a book named Seven Pillars of Freedom Workbook, by Dr. Ted Roberts et. al. and the other was The Genesis Process, by American author Micahel Dye. I found these resources to be extremely insightful and helpful, as they look at all the things that are at the root of dysfunctional, addictive behaviours and compulsions. Michael Dye, on Youtube, has recorded a number of very insightful videos for people to look at on topics such as whether addiction is a disease or a moral issue. I agree thoroughly with what he has said here, and I think his resources will be helpful for what we are doing here at Liberty, as well as any other ministries to those with addictions. (South Korea is a country with a LOT of family and sexual brokenness, but it is well masked by steely silence, workaholism, and distraction. However, the mask is slipping and much work needs to be done there.)
I was very blessed in Korea. 2011 saw me commencing ministry with Liberty and it has been great to be doing it, but it has also been tiring as I also began college study and faced opposition to the ministry work, as well as internal change within the organisation. At the same time, God has been blessing me, the ministry, and my family tremendously and the rest time in Asia saw many people pouring blessing into my life. I was able to rest in God’s grace and be prepared for 2012. Prior to this, I had not had a single holiday for about 7 years! During the rest period, I found out that I achieved a distinction and two high distinctions at Bible college during my first semester of study which I was ecstatically happy about, as was my wife. I feel recharged and ready to go in 2012.
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In 2012, I am sure that there are many people making “new year’s resolutions” and self-promises to reform crippling addictive sexual behaviour. However, as one black pastor in America who used to be gay stated recently, Instead of making new year’s resolutions, how about making a new year revolution? Fair enought, but unfortunately for a lot of folk, the previous year(s) carry with them former sins and crippling feelings of guilt, shame, and regret. I too used to be a “new year’s resolver” only to repeat in that next year the same sins over and over and over again that I vowed not to do ‘ever again’. I was reminded in my quiet times recently of a couple of Bible passages that provided deliverance from these things:
20 Then Samuel said to the people, “Do not fear. You have done all this wickedness; yet do not turn aside from following Yahweh, but serve Yahweh with all your heart. 21 And do not turn aside; for then you would go after empty things which cannot profit or deliver, for they are nothing. 22 For Yahweh will not forsake His people, for His great name’s sake, because it has pleased Yahweh to make you His people. (1 Samuel 12)
20 For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. 21 Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. (1 John 3)
What these are saying is that not even the memories and consciences which condemn us can separate us from God. If you need to forgive yourself, then you need to do it because that is how God sees you: as forgiven in the blood of Jesus. Don’t break yourself from fellowship with God because you think you’re too dirty- go back to Him, lest you do something worse and chase after shadows, and in so doing become a shadow. God cares and is not ashamed to be a Friend of sinners. If that is you, then you need to see yourself as God sees you, otherwise sorrow will overtake you, drown you, and entice you back to Satan. Yes, be saddened by your sin and folly and own it, not simply regretting it because of the consequences- regret it because it hurts you and alienates you from God the Father! If you cannot even do that, then perhaps read Psalm 88. But whatever you do, don’t let your conscience condemn you because there is no condemnation for those in Christ. Stop playing victim, perpetrator, and rescuer. See yourself as God does, take ownership of your emotions and choices, and start living in grace and freedom. 2012 is not a special year: it’s just another one, like another day. Don’t leave your choices for another day, because tomorrow is not now. The choices need to be made now, because now is the beginning of the rest of your life. Today is the day of grace, never mind the digits.
Shalom, Haydn (Liberty pastoral worker).