For a lot of people in sexual addiction and sin, it is incredibly hard for them to see that God is good. The sources of mistrust are many, and some of them are understandable. Hearing of God’s goodness can easily be a mere rumour, a cliche that get reinforced by quickly spoken Bible verses, as if that is meant to make relationship with God instantaneously better and trouble-free. Unfortunately, while people may mean well when they do that – and sometimes they don’t even do that, let’s be frank! – the problems remain. ‘Worry not!’, we may be told, ‘God tells us in Philippians not to be anxious. Hebrews comforts us that Jesus will never leave or foresake. Romans says that there is no condemnation for those in Christ. John informs us …’. And yet a cold, uncomforted part of us can easily remain and demand why it is still not convinced. I understand this very well, as I wondered the same thing as I came out of sex addiction and continually kept hitting obstacles and defeat.
Recently, I have been on a tour of 1 and 2 Samuel in my devotional times and came across a beautiful story about a man who called himself a dog – literally- and despised himself so much that he considered himself utterly unworthy to be in the presence of the monarch of Israel, King David. His name was Mephibosheth and his encounter with the king is something worth taking to heart when we go through moments of doubting God’s love and whether we really can approach Him with confidence. It runs counter to the common myth these days that the Old Testament God is a vengeance-smiting ogre and that He loves (literally) broken people.
His story is scattered throughout 1 and 2 Samuel, but it is in 2 Samuel that he has a one-to-one talk with David. David had finally assumed the throne and killed all, if not most of, Saul’s family. Mephibosheth’s nanny had crushed his feet when he was 5 years old as they were trying to flee, and he remained a cripple. Mephibosheth’s father was David’s best friend, Jonathon, but also Saul’s grandson. Saul had been the previous king of Israel and, with significant help from his fellow countrymen, had tried to stop his successor from taking the throne. Saul was a man twisted with envy, trusted in witchcraft, and eventually suicided after going mad. In political terms, the young man Mephibosheth would have represented a serious threat to David because any time he could have mustered an army of opposition and tried to place himself and ‘Saul’s family’ back on the throne. David had already defeated Mephibosheth’s brother, Ishbosheth, and the risk was there.
But in 2 Samuel 9:6-13 (NKJV), David invites the crippled man and his son to join him at his table every day:
8 Then Mephibosheth bowed himself, and said, “What is your servant, that you should look upon such a dead dog as I?”
9 And the king called to Ziba, Saul’s servant, and said to him, “I have given to your master’s son all that belonged to Saul and to all his house. 10 You therefore, and your sons and your servants, shall work the land for him, and you shall bring in the harvest, that your master’s son may have food to eat. But Mephibosheth your master’s son shall eat bread at my table always.” Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.
11 Then Ziba said to the king, “According to all that my lord the king has commanded his servant, so will your servant do.”
“As for Mephibosheth,” said the king, “he shall eat at my table like one of the king’s sons.”
David was strong enough in himself not to feel threatened by another, even when he had good reason to; at least if he did feel threatened, he had no need to take it out on a crippled man. He wanted to lavish love on the man and treat him like his own son (v. 11b). Here is a man who regards himself as a ‘dead dog’ in the presence of a king who, for all intents and purposes, would have good reason to kill him. But instead of death, he finds his father’s house honoured and restored, a family of servants to look after him, an adopted father who happens to be a king, and a banquet to feast on every day. I’m hoping that would have all been enough for Mephibosheth to reconsidering hismelf a ‘dead dog’, but the Bible is silent on him after 2 Sam. 9.
Today I spoke with a man living in the United States about how he is currently trapped in sexual addiction, and that despite being married he cannot stop masturbating and looking at pornography. His father was, unsurprisingly, cold, distant, angry, and a source of fear rather than love and comfort. This man was inducted into it at the age of 10 when, as a pre-pubescent child he was shown how to self-stimulate and use sex to get love and friendship from other boys. Now, as an adult, with all those scars unhealed he is still affected by sexual addiction and relationship with God isn’t so great. He is a veritable Mephibosheth, a man who is weighed under with feelings of worthlessness and shame so great that he thinks himself a ‘dead dog’.
I really feel for this person and others like him, but in spite of his feelings there is hope for him. The good news is that he is not what he feels himself to be, that God’s arms are open to him as David’s were for the Mephibosheth. While Mephibosheth had broken legs, this man has a broken heart and broken sexuality- but is that enough to put God off? To the contrary: The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit (Ps. 34:18). God’s offer is open, and there is no excuse for not coming! David was a man after God’s own heart, and this incident with Jonathon’s son proved exactly what that meant. Come, eat at the table, and accept the goodness of being like one of God’s own sons.